I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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