i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The Olympian is in my bed
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
