Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
wanna go halves on a baby?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize