I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
