As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
