If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
