Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
