my mouth tastes like poor choices
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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