I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
