Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
