I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
