I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
