You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
