I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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