I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
