Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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