oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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