it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Randomize
