Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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