Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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