He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize