on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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