I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Enjoy the penises
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
