This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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