i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
