I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
