I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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