Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
