you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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