i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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