he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
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