So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
