I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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