I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
