I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize