Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
