I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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