my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
