i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
