I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize