covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
