someone threw a dead crab at me
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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