the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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