I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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