they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
