Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
