remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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