FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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