I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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