***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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