batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
