just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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