So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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