wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
