Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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