Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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