You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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