Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize