dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
