Sponge bath it is.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
