dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize