pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
