her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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