I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
