my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Quick, to the slutcave!
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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