I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
