The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
