So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I need help removing her.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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