omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
